Monday, April 29, 2013

The End is the Beginning is the End

At the end of the week I loss my job of three years. I knew it was coming. I sort of expected it. I wasn't the best employee, yet far from the absolute worse. After three years of hitting a computer screen, standing on my feet for eight hours, counting money that I would never see, and kissing more ass than a toilet seat. I am finally free. Free from fighting for a Saturday off to spend with my kids, choosing the demands of work over my pending writing career, or free from being too tired from a long days work with little to show for it in a pay check. Sometimes the best thing that could possibly happen to you is losing a job. At the end of the day thats all it ever was and all it would ever be. Know matter how much money I made, over extended courtesy to  a stranger, came in on time, or participated in out of work functions...I'd always be just a bottom feeding employee living paycheck to paycheck to feed my family or pay my bills. The older I become the more my ambitions grow louder. To be content with an hourly job is beneath me. Every moment after I'd clock in I'd dread being there and stalk the clock until my shift was over. I was living a maybe life. Maybe I'll get a raise in October. Maybe I'll get more hours in the spring. Or just maybe I want fuck up to the point whereas my job won't be in jeopardy for another year. Truth be told I was looking for something better. A better paying job or something better than what I already had. Know matter how far I searched or many applications I completed I would never be satisfied. Full but not satisfied. I would never be satisfied. I've been working nothing jobs since I was sixteen. I usually would quit and start another. That all changed when I had my kids. Sometimes you do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself and your children. A job is temporary a career is permanent. Sure, I want get paid every two weeks and I'll probably have to make some changes to my spending habits. With change come sacrifice. The end is the beginning is the end, which means everything must conclude in order for new beginnings to take place. I'll get another job. But my children won't be children forever. I want to be there for those special moments and not just in pictures. I've been down this road before. A road of uncertainty, chaos, confusion, and worry. Those roads always lead to a dead end. I know longer travel down that road. I have discovered a merciful, loving, and on time God. His hand may be invisble but it is always present. My faith has never faultered. I've been through harder times and I'm still standing. When one door closes God will open a window. I'm standing on his word because I have always been and will continue to be living proof that God is always present and on time.

Be in peace and not pieces.